One Long Shortcut

Chapter 57: Ugly Vests and Solo Fajitas Thursday kicked off Nelson’s birthday weekend buildup with a shopping spree I never imagined: Bass Pro Shop. Three months ago, the thought of me buying an ugly fisherman’s vest would have been laughable, but here we are. I also picked up a $6 “jewelry box” for his fly collection—honestly, with two of each lure lined up neatly, it really does look like earrings in a Claire’s display case. Gift parade complete: fly rod, net, stainless steel stringer, flies, vest, and now the “jewelry box.” My man was spoiled. Stimulators, Parachute Adams, and beetles Nelson had a work dinner, so I treated myself to Local Lime—the place I swore would be my weekly haunt when we first scoped out NWA (and...I haven't stepped afoot there since). My ribeye fajitas were still perfection, and solo dining with a book was bliss… until I realized Nelson’s work dinner ended before mine. Engineers: fast eaters, fast leavers. I rolled my eyes, picked him up, and we drove ...

  Chapter 55: Mondays, Matcha Mistakes, and Condo Rage Mondays hit differently when you’re unemployed. You’d think freedom would erase the blues, but no—admin tasks have a way of finding you. My morning was swallowed by endless back-and-forth emails with Nadine, our broker, as I tried to get our New York condo board package wrapped up. Who knew leasing out a “normal” condo to a “normal” tenant could feel like applying for parole? Add in fees that look suspiciously like daylight robbery, and Nelson pacing like a man cheated at the slot machines, it was a whole production. My attempt to escape adulting didn’t go much better. I called the RAM dealership (or “RAMS,” as I insist on calling it... RAMS is a financial institution in Australia and I kept mixing these two up!) to schedule a safety recall. After an hour of hold music and two dropped calls, I gave up. Apparently, Monday is national “fix your truck” day. So I retreated to Crystal Bridges Café, my new Monday ritual. I wish I ...

Chapter 52: Downtown Adventures and Ice Cream Time After months of ignoring Bentonville downtown, I finally braved it. First challenge: parking. Dave Peel Park had been hijacked by construction workers, blocking my exit like some kind of evil maze. I nearly cried in my van before a kindly worker moved a barrier and I scored a spot—right on the square, naturally, like a pro. The Walmart Museum was a delightful surprise. It felt like stepping into a time capsule, complete with Lego people running their tiny Walmart lives and a “famous returns” exhibit that gently roasted customers. Who knew returns could be so artistic? I capped it off with a $1.30 ice cream scoop that was massive, delicious, and totally Instagram-worthy. Downtown Bentonville is adorably gentrified, with stores so cool that I walked past this establishment that I can't tell if it is a barbershop or a bar... (I later found out it is a bar, called 'The Barber') I resisted the urge to set up my nomad barbersh...

  Chapter 47: Bass Pro Shop Olympics & the Mystery Upgrade Friday was supposed to be simple: Nelson had endless fire drills at work, so my only mission was to grab gas and isopro canisters before hitting the road. Easy, right? Wrong. The “gas and gear” run landed me at the original Bass Pro Shop in Springfield — which is basically Disneyland for hunters and fishermen. Forget the quick errand I had planned; this place had aquariums, waterfalls, taxidermy everywhere, and entire wings dedicated to camo clothing I’ll never wear. I came out with my canisters, yes, but also the sense that I had just completed the Bass Pro Olympics . From there, we drove to Candy Cane RV Park (though Nelson kept confidently calling it Sugar Cane , as if we were headed for rum cocktails instead of gravel pads). Upon arrival, we were greeted by a guy named Kevin who cheerfully announced we’d been “upgraded.” Nelson and I looked at each other like, “Do… we know you?” Was he the owner? A friendly squat...

  Chapter 44: Cool Weather, Warm Banh Mi, and a Pool Eviction Monday brought a miracle: 66 degrees . I didn’t know how to process it—I actually had to put on a sweatshirt, like some confused Floridian on vacation in Canada. Cooler temps meant better food decisions too: cup noodles for lunch (finally!) and a peri peri chicken banh mi for dinner. Full of baguette pride, I marched to the pool to “work it off,” only to discover that while the fitness center is open till 10, the pool shuts down at 8:30. Picture me furiously paddling a few frantic laps before a lifeguard hollered “Ma’am!” and kicked me out. Banished, we went to bed at a park, where our very first Bentonville night once scarred me for life. But cooler air heals all trauma—I slept like a log. Chapter 45: Sushi Regrets, Chore-Day Joys, and Rain Curses Tuesday karma hit: I bought Walmart sushi (made “fresh” by Mai, bless her heart... whoever Mai is). I expected “airport sushi, but slightly better.” Instead, it was thin ...